Always the Same

No matter how much you prepare.

My kids are in their twenties now. I love listening to them talk about their lives. So much of what they say reminds me of similar internal struggles I had in my twenties. Am I making the right choices? Am I where I need to be? How’s this all going to turn out?

So many feelings, so much uncertainty.

During our recent move, I found my husband in our new garage surrounded by boxes. “I want to throw it all out!” he said. “Let’s get rid of everything.” I practically had to wrestle our children’s school records out from his hands.

His intentions were good - great even. Having cleaned out his mother’s house after her death last year, he was trying not to leave a huge mess for our own kids to clean up once we die. I get that. I’ve had two parents die as well and, while not hoarders by any stretch of the imagination, it took a long time to shepherd their possessions into the right places. My first instinct was to get rid of everything as well (thankfully tempered by my siblings’s instincts).

But having gone through the deaths of four parents, raising three kids, and countless moves, I’m realizing it’s all the same.

No matter how much you try to anticipate the inevitable pain points of moving, children becoming adults or parental death, all are hard. No matter what you do, there’s going to be boxes of shit you don’t know what to do with. Or heartache as life and love shape young minds and hearts. Or yawning grief and overwhelming logistics in death.

You can’t rationalize your way out of emotions.

You can’t solution your way through what needs to be felt.

You can be logistical, rational, organized, and prepared. You can even be grateful. But emotions will still knock you sideways.

So be patient with the process. Be kind to yourself through it. Be generous towards others who are going through it as well. Because the process is all there is.

Photo by Erda Estremera on Unsplash